Missile toes, more from Bert's tour of Texas
Noticing that I was pointing at a dark ball in an otherwise desiccated-looking tree, he said, with only the tiniest hint of geez-you-northerners-are-idiots in his tone, "That's mistletoe."
"I didn't know missiles had toes. Is that a Texas thing?"
Okay, I didn't say that because I didn't think of it until just now. Dang it.
Instead, I said something along the lines of, "Aw, how sweet."
"Well, it sucks the water out of trees and kills them," he replied.
What? I thought. What the hell kind of sweet holiday cheer kissing thing sucks the life out of trees and kills them?
Does Santa know about this?
Yeah, I didn't say any of that, either.
As it turns out, my knowledgeable guide was correct, though I'm guessing a lot of you knew that already.
Mistletoe is both:
beneficial and deadly to plants and animals
poisonous and a supposed remedy for poisoning
a killer, and a potential cure for cancer
And you thought kissing was complicated.